The year is 2021. People now go by pronouns such as 'bunny' or 'tree'. The certainty of he and she has long been lost, and accidentally calling someone by the wrong pronoun is no longer a mere slip-up. For better or worse, this is the most politically correct that our society has ever been, and anyone that isn't with it, gets canceled by the internet – forever doomed to an offline existence of irrelevance.
This is the time we live in, so what better time to bring back a video game that's about mercilessly hunting people down and slaughtering them in the most realistic, gruesome, and gritty way possible? A game that features a rating system that scores your murders as "hasty", "violent" and "gruesome", as you pick your bringer of death from the likes of a crowbar, sickles, or the good old strangulation-plastic bag. A game so violent, that even Rockstar was like, "is this too much?"
Rockstar Is Remaking, Remastering or Whatevering Manhunt
Since Rockstar is obviously stuck in some kind of existential crisis, re-releasing every single game they ever made (seriously: GTA 3, GTA Vice City, GTA San Andreas, GTA 4, GTA 5, Red Dead Redemption 1), they now figured they'd re-release another one of their classics to remind people that being called a 'he' instead of a 'tree' is probably not the worst thing that could happen to you.
Three years later, some new games were suspiciously added to the old Xbox marketplace:— Bruno Costa (@brunocosta1_) November 11, 2021
- Dead or Alive 1, 2 and 3
- Max Payne 1 and 2
- Oddworld: Munch's Odyssee
- Red Dead Revolver
- Star Wars Clone Wars and Episode III
Anyone hyped for Monday? pic.twitter.com/ssUfnmU3OA
Next to the violence, Manhunt was actually a good stealth game, with revolutionary mechanics like letting you use your microphone to distract victims with your voice, before slaughtering them. Sadly, Germany and Australia didn't see the mastery in said gameplay mechanics and mandated a recall of all copies, while New Zealand made it straight up illegal to even own the game. That was back in 2003, you know, back when Harvey Weinstein was still casting movies based on whom he could sexually assault the easiest, and the President was known to associate with pedophile human traffickers... oh, wait... that was only a couple of years ago. Sorry, I got distracted by the life-or-death matter of the shocking audacity of a comedian joking about sexuality.
Anyway... what could possibly go wrong with re-releasing this game? Hell, why not give it a VR-update, to really get the immersion going. As far as details go, we'll probably get them at today's Microsoft event, but, as of now, we have no idea whether this is a backwards compatibility thing, or a remaster, or a remake, or whatever.